An International Fellowship of Spirit-Empowered Believers

Enjoy Him?

I was having a bad day the day I wrote this journal, and so I felt like journaling to see if I could get some advice from God about some things that I've been having increased trouble with lately. "Broken heart" kind of trouble...

I had written some things trying to spark up a conversation with Him, but I was having trouble calming my mind, and I was feeling a little agitated so I turned on some relaxing music; and then he began to speak, starting the conversation himself with a fact about me. Here is the journal;

You hate silence, it reminds you of her, a lot of things do and you don't even know it. You need to be free of those things before I can give you what you want*.

But how can I be free?

You must learn to enjoy me. In your heart you need to see me (and seek me).

How do I enjoy you?

You need to be centered in me, calm, and enjoyable with me, let me show you how to be enjoyable. You are fun to be with - but you are not yet enjoyable in the way I want you to be enjoyable, which is better than you think, and doesn't involve laws or rules or "The Law" despite what you think I am thinking --- concerning your behaviour in me, even yourself in me, you do not keep "The Law"** but you do not keep the rest of me either, you only see the religious side though you long for the fun side; to see me in the fun side which you seem to see only in the love you want to see, to be with, and to hold as your own - you will have this in time, but you must first learn to love me in enjoying me, so you can more fully love her.

You will make me your 'first love' so the love in you is free for her - free from 'we both know who', free from 'you know who'***.

Make me your first love, and you will have your first love to give again. You will be happy and you will be very, very blessed with me; I love you.

*"A princess out of his own court" a girl, who is innocent, pure, virginal, beautiful, young, youthful, with bright bluest eyes, faithful, truthful, loving, fun, and enjoyable - and especially one who loves me; I cannot say more than that though as I've only been so very specific with God and there is much I cannot express here for lack of space or beautiful words.

** I am not legalistic and religious in the sense of rituals and rules; I am not a religious slave to "The Law" --- but I am not yet free from the religious spirit in the "theological" sense. I'm so stuck in trying to experience Christ in the box of theology, that I do not keep the "rest of him".

*** My...first love, my ex...

Getting over this past relationship has been a very long and arduous struggle...I've been deeply wounded down into even my spirit I feel. I don't know how to express this part. I'm just showing the journal for some critique, and analysis. I also have a question;

How do I enjoy God? Especially, how do I enjoy "the rest of him" outside of the theological, and the churchy, or religious? I pray every day, and talk to him and such...But its like, I'm just not sure how to enjoy him in a "real way" I guess, atleast if the journal is right in telling me that I don't enjoy him, and it seems to be very true...after having looked at it.

Any help is appreciated, thank you in advance.

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Permalink Reply by Mary Ann E on April 11, 2011 at 5:48pm

I guess a way you can enjoy him is like a best friend talk to him ,hear him speak to you, laugh together, I think when you enjoy him you just simply have fun with Him.. I still am not where I should be but based on what I have believed to be the Holy Spirit come to me, He seems like he can be pretty fun to hang out with....

you can just "be" with each other

Honeslty I don't feel qualified to answer this but based on what I feel I have experienced having fun with Him is I guess a way to enjoy him.

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Permalink Reply by Mary Ann E on April 11, 2011 at 5:56pm

oh also in a dream I think the Holy Spirit was singing and I just started dancing as I heard the singing complete with music it was incrediblly liberating for me. , like self-acceptance in that I was dancing and enjoying myself ,loving accepting myself as I should. I had a lot of fun dancing to the song,

plus other times where he's played music an/or sang...one time I think there was time where there was this techno music and it was like a studio and I could alter the music just by I think just thinking of it. and I think the Holy Spirit told me He was my studio. (I believe for the most part that it was from Him)

O another time I was really sad about something like early inteh morning maybe around 2 or 3 am and I wen to sleep and I heard this song that He sang ( sadly I don't remember it ) but I like it a lot and I was dancing , ( I don't rmemeber the dream to clear or what He was doing,but it was a lot of fun) it was like when I woke up the sadness and the pain I felt about this something was gone, I was like woo, wow, that helped.

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Permalink Reply by Mary Ann E on April 11, 2011 at 6:00pm

obviously you can't play all the time, like there are moments to be serious.but yeah just sharing some of my thoughts on the subject

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Permalink Reply by Matthew Lewis on April 11, 2011 at 7:19pm

I think you've helped quite a bit actually, the techno thing was helpful - it speaks to me.

Also; if you still struggle with this; http://www.koinonianetwork.org/forum/topics/3389376:Topic:22633?xg_...

I'd like for you to have this as my late response, as it does seem to be about a year old.

Jesus is the saviour of all mankind, God wills all mankind to be saved, that none should perish, and every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess acknowledging Christ. Be assured, you are saved, and loved, and adored as his daughter - perfectly. You will be made perfect, and right, and gloriously good in God's due time, but he is never late, he is always right on time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyGkBsgpAbs

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Permalink Reply by Mary Ann E on April 14, 2011 at 4:53pm

by the speaking of Techno, Have you heard of Owl City? Adam Young(of Owl City) is a Christian artist who is signed with a mainstream record company nonetheless, he has songs about God in his music. Here are some clips, (He does elctronica, some dance,etc)

here is sample of his new music

http://owlcitymusic.com/atbab

I really like "Galaxies" apparently the radio edit of it was released to Radio U

http://tvulive.com/radiou/tmw.htm