Journal Entry

Hello, everyone!

I received this in prayer this morning and have sent it to a couple advisors. This is one of the first times I have ever received something from God that really seemed directive. There is a great hesitancy in me to receive things about change and my future. I do NOT want to make assumptions that God is going to do something if He isn't. I will confess, I am a little afraid of 'the path of blessing' and I think that I don't want to assume that God is moving me into blessing if He isn't. I know that sounds nuts...but it's honest. I do not want to move if God isn't in it...no matter what 'move' it is; new job, new dimensions in giving, prayer, etc.

Please let me know what you think! I'd love to have someone's opinion... and I hope it's clear to understand! It's a little lengthy, so I understand if I get little response :)

Thanks so much!

Desiree Dunleavey

October 5, 2010

So, Lord….you’ve brought me to Psalm 138:8 multiple times lately. Pondered it for a couple days…then received a text from a friend that simply said ‘Psalm 138:8!’ Then, I read it yesterday in a book…and today my bible falls right open to it. J You are trying to tell me something. J ‘You will perfect that which concerns me…’ Expound on it, Holy One. I wait for you.

I see me as a child, I run to Jesus and he hugs me. He fixes the crown on my head. We head to a tree house. I’m in it and Jesus is on the ground. We are talking on the ‘can phone’ and laughing.  He whispers love to me.

“You are beautiful, princess. You are mine.”

Memories of childhood, eating popsicles, sitting on the swing…playing in the woods.

Am I on track, Lord?

“Your life has always been mine. I formed you in your mothers womb. I spoke you into being. My heart longed for you. I ached for you, Amber Desiree. I saw you before the words began and I marked you for my presence, to dwell with me where I am eternally. I watched over you as you grew in your mom’s belly. I was there when you came forth into the world. I laughed and cried in rejoicing for I knew the day had come where we would commune together as friends.”

I see the Lord taking me in the hospital room, as a new born. He is weeping and rejoicing over me and putting things in my spirit.

“Hear me, little one. You are marked for greatness because you are mine.”

 Jesus sings over me and holds me to his chest. I feel ownership and such love.

“I’ve never been ashamed of you. Look at how much joy you bring me! I was there when you took your first steps. I was cheering you on. See, the Father smile in such proud approval. We discussed you in the inner chambers. I see the Father and the Son looking over me and talking about me. We poured forth love on your life. Every step you took as an infant was paved in love from the throne of grace. We watched over you as the apple of God’s eye. You were never in harms way. Even as you grew you were clinging to me. I see me holding his leg. You had no idea how true and real the little songs of your heart were back then. I do not discredit them. They were some of the purest songs ever offered, ever to be sung in history. You knew me. You knew my voice, child. All the days of your life I have been speaking and you have been hearing. I deposited in you my songs, my words, my voice. It is no small thing. I carved your paths like the carving of the canyons…long and deep, unmoveable by any man. I alone paved your future. No man can take credit for what I form. No man can abolish what I have determined to be forever established. You cannot change the path of destiny I have marked for your life….nothing can hinder what I have set in motion. It is my hands that form you. It is my hands that uphold you. I have secured your future in love. It is constant and concrete. I alone hold your future. Your failings never stopped my plans for you. Who can move the Grand Canyon? Who can change its depths? No man. No mistake. No error. No dislodging can obstruct the path that I have set.”

I see the Father and Jesus once again discussing my life in the inner chamber

I see an open door in front of them. There is a horizon shining through the door.

Is this my future, Lord?

“I have set before you an open door that no man can shut. I have filled your future with light. See the new day dawning beyond the open door. We discussed and planned for you specifically the path and future of your life. It is not chance. There are no accidents. You are right where you were made to be. You married the right man. You made the right choices. You heard my voice and followed. You may have been young in your decisions, but my hand was ever upon you. Your heart burned to know me and my smile was ever over you. I have always been solid and unmoveable in my love for you. See, how my Father and I are constant and unshaken in the inner room. We are not moved or displeased. Our plans are firm. They are established forever. You are moving in the right direction because you have caught the Spirit’s winds. You are riding upon them unafraid. Here you are secure. You do not fear what lies ahead for you know I am with you.”

I remember the dream Lord from years ago where I was riding the wind of the Spirit although destruction was in my path. I had peace.

“Look and see.”

I am remembering the dream I had in November, 2002. In this dream, suddenly I am awakened to the fact that I am on a bridge, flying through the air at incredible speeds. It’s like I had been thrown from the bridge in an accident. I am careening out of control. I am over a large body of water. It’s very dark. No light. I am hurled up against some power line and then get thrown off all together. I am soaring over the waters and very afraid. I realized I was going to die. Peace suddenly washes over me as I commit my life into His Spirit. Suddenly, the Spirit of God comes as a wind and catches me, carrying me along. I still wonder if I’m going to die. We are traveling soooo fast. I look ahead of me and I see another bridge.  There is a tornado on the bridge, leaving a path of destruction. The bridge is long and seems to go on forever. The Holy Spirit is trying to place me in front of the path of the tornado but cannot. Instead, he pulls back and sets me down behind the tornado, in the path of it’s destruction. This is how my dream ended in 2002.

NOW…I see me walking among the destruction on the bridge. I don’t see the Spirit outside anymore but know that He is inside as I walk along the debris. 

“In the midst of destruction, you have walked. My Spirit fills you up. You have been placed in places where it seems hope was lost. My Spirit placed you here.  You have kept walking, climbing over obstacles and pressing on.”

Now, in front of me, along this bridge I see the same open door that I saw in the Father’s chambers.

“See, that open door is now in front of you. You didn’t miss it. You have kept your eyes on the prize of the high calling. You have desired to know me.  Do not be afraid to leave what you have known and step through.”

I hesitate at the door. There is destruction from the tornado behind me where I have been but sunlight, a new horizon on the other side of the door.

It seems odd that I would hesitate, Lord. But there is a fear in me…a fear that I am called to remain in a broken pathway. That if I leave this place too soon I will have missed the mark. I feel guilty for desiring blessing if I am not called to that place. If I am called to remain on this path where destruction laid waste then I want to be here. I feel a sense of guilt in expecting and desiring an easier more blessed way. I feel bad that great saints I know are in the midst of hard times and I am not.

“Have you been blessed here, child?”

Yes, Lord. I have been very blessed. I have grown. I have pressed on and learned sooo many lessons.

“If your time is through here will you trust me to lead you?”

Why is it hard to leave?

“You are afraid of blessing. You don’t want to be wrong. This is what you’ve known.”

Lord, if this is not you….if it is my arrogance and pride…

“Let me guide you. Come again to the rock and be crushed. Do not fear pride, as I have told you before. Fear ME. Hold to me. I showed you your childhood. Simple trust marks the life of the child. This open doorway was set before you in my father’s chamber long before you arrived here. Remember?”

I see it, Lord. You and your Father again in the chamber.

“Child, you were small when this door was ordained for you. You do not know what it is or what lies ahead. Just trust me that if I have set it open, no man can shut it. You must walk through. In confidence step through and do not look behind you anymore. Take my hand and come.”

I take your hand and step through the door and am immediately in another world, a beautiful valley. The door is gone from me. Where I was, is no longer seen. I can’t even see where I was.

You have moved me on. It’s a new location. I didn’t expect it.

“You thought you had to walk the whole length of the bridge in destruction. You didn’t know that I set doors along your path that leads you to higher places. You are not meant to walk in destruction but in life abundantly. No, it’s not all about money and fame…but abundance of the soul and spirit are real treasures that I will provide to you. It’s like a picnic basket filled with things along the way; wine for your journey, blessings unknown. This is the new life…the abundant life. You have a journey set before you.”

Is this the basket I saw that the angel had (in a previous journal entry)? I just remembered that!

“You have seen this in my kingdom! You have known what lies ahead of you. You are possessing what’s been prepared for you, child! Take and eat! Enjoy the blessings of obedience. Enjoy what comes to those who wait. I have prepared things for you. Your journey is not over. This leg of the journey is just changing into a different path. The same life, but different callings now. You will journey and enjoy…look and see beauty all around you. This basket is filled with satisfaction. This satisfies.”

Lord, I must go read past entries. If this is you…I am in awe.

“Let go of the guilt. Being blessed is not based upon you…it is based upon me. I will bless you and keep you. I will make my face shine upon you and give you peace. I make it happen. I perfect that which concerns you. I mark your path and it is abundant!”

This path is my life. The bridge is my life. I thought I would forever walk in the destruction of my failings, of others people’s as well. Thank you, Lord.

“You were never off of the path. I always had it set before you.”