My Journey Out of Darkness and into His Glorious Light!

I grew up in an alcoholic home with a drunk of a father who physically and emotionally abused my mother. He abandoned us when I was about 5 years old. (best thing he could have done for us!) Needless to say I struggled with esteem, abandonment and fear issues. My story is interesting as, all of my deliverance came from a hunger and desperation to know God better and not seeking deliverance for the sake of deliverance. It’s kind of like taking a half of glass of dirty water and instead of dumping it, a steady flow of clean water is poured into it until the dirty water is displaced.

I received Jesus at 15 years old. Immediately an awareness of a spiritual higher being [God] was revealed to my consciousness. At 18 I attended Christ for the Nations (CFNI) where I experienced my first inner healing encounter. I was praying in my prayer closet (only room I could find in a small apt. of 5 girls) when I had an inner vision. I saw myself as a little girl rocking in a rocking chair alone. The feeling I had was very lonely and sad. Next the vision changed to Jesus sitting in the chair and I was on his lap. I then sensed the spirit of God prompt me to utter the words “daddy”. At that time I did not know that it was actually scriptural (Romans 8:15). That was such a painful prayer time as I was initially filled with all the pain of the past, however as I uttered those words “daddy”, a flood broke within me and I must have cried for at least an hour!

From that time on God began to teach me what it was like to be a daughter and how to see Him as my heavenly father who took over the role where my earthly father left off. God spoke into every area of my life; protecting me from guys who had ulterior motives- through dreams and He even choose my husband for me as we were engaged after only meeting twice! (That’s another testimony for another time!) And we’ve been married for 25 years and have four amazing sons!

I went through a period of major overhaul [so to speak] after the birth of my fourth son. It began one night when we attended a revival meeting in the city. During the worship service I sensed a tremendous intimacy with the father which I believe the worship released. I had an inner picture of a little girl on a playground riding the merry-go-round. I asked the Lord who she was and He told me that it was me! I told the Lord that I couldn’t relate to that picture as that little girl was so happy and carefree to which He said, “that was the childhood I had planned for you”. Instantly God’s presence came upon me and the spirit of laughter over shadowed me…I laughed for two hours through out the entire service! On the drive home I couldn’t explain my experience to anyone except to say “I’m free, I’m really free!”

From that night on an intense hunger for God grew in my heart…I spent every free moment either in desperate prayer or in heavy repentance! The spirit of God took me back to the very first time I gave my heart to Him at the age of 8 at a bible camp and convicted me of all my wrong doings or wrong actions up to the time I really got saved [as I understood salvation] at the age of 15. I didn’t have a theological understanding of what was happening to me except the Lord showed me that the very first time I accepted Him as my Saviour was when I should have started to turn to Him instead of pursuing my own ways. I understand that experience now to be the John the Baptist repentance.

As the Lord was dealing with my heart I started to have supernatural experiences. My prayer time could be summed up in Hosea 10:12 (AMP) Sow for yourselves according to righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); reap according to mercy and loving-kindness. Break up your uncultivated ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, to inquire for and of Him, and to require His favor, till He comes and teaches you righteousness and rains His righteous gift of salvation upon you.

Growing up in an alcoholic family produced tremendous fear as my father was very abusive to my mother…and apparently when the beatings would start I would run and hide (the Holy Spirit revealed this to me years later). Until one night I was at a revival meeting and the Lord ministered to me very powerfully! I left that meeting completely healed from the spirit of fear! Everything in my life changed from that moment on! I even had a visitation of angels that night as did three of my young sons (through their dreams). The interesting thing was that previous to this visitation I had a re-occurring dream for over 20 years that I was running and hiding from a man that was chasing me. After God delivered me from the spirit of fear my dream changed; one night I started to have the same dream but suddenly I turned around to face my pursuer and I pointed to him and rebuked him in the name of Jesus and I woke up and have never had that dream since!

Another time I was attending a woman’s retreat where I felt like I spent the whole weekend crying while the Holy Spirit ministered deeply to my heart. On the last day I woke up and for the first time in my life I could feel God’s face inches from my face, I could feel His breath on my face; He spoke to my heart and revealed to me that He had delivered me from the root of rejection. You see all my life I would pray to a God up there, all seeing, but tangibly distant…safe…until now. And an intimacy was planted in my heart…you could say a longing for Him like I’ve never known before! (Luke 24:36)

The last experience I want to share took place at my home. A special speaker was coming to our city and I looked forward to her meetings with great anticipation. However, at the last moment I was unable to attend…I was greatly disappointed but decided that there were no barriers to what was happening in her meetings to what I could experience in my own personal time with God. Therefore, after everyone turned in I retired to the living room where I played worship music and entered into prayer.
Almost immediately the Lord showed me an area of my personality where a spirit of unworthiness lived. I spent some time in worship as the Lord delivered me of that spirit… until I fell asleep. I awoke by something brushing against my face…the room seemed filled with such a presence of peace…as I looked up I could see two angels in the room (not with my physical eyes but with my spirit eyes). I eventually got up and went to bed. That night I was awaken three different times by a strong smell of a perfume fragrance!That fragrance stayed in our house for three months. I have never smelt anything like it. Other people could smell it too. Although it eventually dissipated there are times when I get a smell of it…it brings comfort and reassurance that God is working!

My experiences with God not only changed my life forever but greatly impacted my family. They too were having dreams and heavenly encounters as God visited them. There was a strong anointing for intercession and spiritual warfare - sometimes while sleeping! Its like the story of the Samaritan woman that Jesus took the time to minister too….scripture says that she went back to her village and told all that she experienced and the whole town came out to Jesus and were saved. WOW…one woman yielded to God changed the spiritual climate of her village! Selah [pause and think about that!]