Journal

Lord Jesus, how can I say I love you and sing about you and not spend time with you? Lord, I don’t want to be a hypocrite and talk about you as though I’m close to you when I find myself not walking with you in the accepted Christian way. I don’t want to be one of those who is not giving you the place in my life that I say I am. In some ways, I feel very close to you, in other ways, it is not an acceptable closeness when I am not following the traditional ways of drawing near to you. Lord, it seems as though you are with me all the time, and I really appreciate the stability you have given me emotionally and mentally during the time we have been here. However, I have a feeling of guilt, because I say I love you and want to walk in your ways, and yet I feel so far from the path defined by the church.

Judi, you are my child, you will always be mine and I love you and I am close to you all the time. I treasure your thoughts towards me during the day and your communication with me in your spirit. I accept you as you are, Judi, and I want you to walk more and more closely with me. As your son is away at the moment and you haven’t thought about him over the weekend because of your immediate situation here, so sometimes the immediacy of life takes over the conscious mind but your love and commitment to your son doesn’t change. My heart of love and acceptance of you will never change, as yours will always be towards me. If you draw near to me, I will draw near to you. I am with you always, my daughter.