An International Fellowship of Spirit-Empowered Believers
Worship - Just Let GO!
I want to first say, please don’t think for a moment that I am tone deaf, I am well aware that I do not have a voice like the beautiful men and women on our Praise and Worship Team. In fact, it is in this very fact that my biggest barrier existed. On Sunday mornings I want to “sing”, sing out to my Creator, my comforter. I want to call out to Him and reach into the Throne Room of Heaven to be in His presence. Just to feel Him, to smell the air that surrounds me and knowing that is His fragrance I smell!!! I want to get excited when I encounter Him, I want to explode on the inside and release the JOY that consumes me…but then it happens…
Satan shows up. Lucifer, the old praise & worship leader from the Throne Room shows up to remind me that my voice does not sound angelic, that people can hear me and I am being disruptive to those around me. I am preventing my brothers and sisters from entering into their time with our Creator because the sound emanating from me is offensive; worse than fingernails down the chalkboard to be blunt and specific.
I lower my voice, and then I feel my body wanting to express my JOY. I want to dance, I want to spin in circles and dance with my King. I want to jump, I want to grab one of my sisters and spin together! I want to skip and laugh…I want to laugh…but then it happens…
Again, satan shows up. He reminds me that others are trying to encounter God, “do I think I am the only one? How can others concentrate with so much distraction? What happens if I trip while I am skipping, what happens if I interrupt by holding someone’s hand and swinging in circles? Standing still really is your best posture, after all, God calls for His people to have self control.”
I calm my inside JOY and I feel shame for even thinking about singing or dancing. I decide it is best to raise Holy Hands and stay confined to my space. I want to get on my knees before my Lord, I want to lay down before Him…but then it happens…
Satan shows again and says, “but what about the new people visiting or the ones that are still new to all this. What will they think about you in this posture? They may even think you have serious problems and then not their children play with Victoria. How about next time you just stay in your seat like everyone else. No need to rock the boat and bring attention to yourself…or is that what you want? Do you want people to notice you? That is pride, why do you want people to notice you?”
Worship is over and I feel exhausted, I feel ashamed, was I just wanting attention? Was I being prideful? Dear God, that wasn’t what I wanted!!! I just felt like I wanted to explode, I was so excited to encounter you this morning, I was so excited, you were there and I just wanted to show my JOY…I am so sorry I made it about me showing off, I don’t know how it happened…next Sunday I think I will just stay put.
You may be reading this and thinking I exaggerated for literary effect…I wish I could tell you that was the case…but this was my typical Sunday up until Jason Lee Jones Night of Worship. Some Sundays I would fight what I was hearing and some Sunday’s I would just crumble underneath it. Today, I feel free, I feel like I broke the alabaster jar and poured it out all over alter and I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back to dignified…I want to stay in this place. I choose to sing…if I offend, I apologize in advance now. If my display of emotion is too much for you to handle, I am so sorry, but I make a choice today and everyday to come to the alter…I will show the lover of my soul just how crazy about Him I am. I am going to share love back to my Father and I promise you, I am in my own little world during this time. Would you join me?
Satan shows up. Lucifer, the old praise & worship leader from the Throne Room shows up to remind me that my voice does not sound angelic, that people can hear me and I am being disruptive to those around me. I am preventing my brothers and sisters from entering into their time with our Creator because the sound emanating from me is offensive; worse than fingernails down the chalkboard to be blunt and specific.
I lower my voice, and then I feel my body wanting to express my JOY. I want to dance, I want to spin in circles and dance with my King. I want to jump, I want to grab one of my sisters and spin together! I want to skip and laugh…I want to laugh…but then it happens…
Again, satan shows up. He reminds me that others are trying to encounter God, “do I think I am the only one? How can others concentrate with so much distraction? What happens if I trip while I am skipping, what happens if I interrupt by holding someone’s hand and swinging in circles? Standing still really is your best posture, after all, God calls for His people to have self control.”
I calm my inside JOY and I feel shame for even thinking about singing or dancing. I decide it is best to raise Holy Hands and stay confined to my space. I want to get on my knees before my Lord, I want to lay down before Him…but then it happens…
Satan shows again and says, “but what about the new people visiting or the ones that are still new to all this. What will they think about you in this posture? They may even think you have serious problems and then not their children play with Victoria. How about next time you just stay in your seat like everyone else. No need to rock the boat and bring attention to yourself…or is that what you want? Do you want people to notice you? That is pride, why do you want people to notice you?”
Worship is over and I feel exhausted, I feel ashamed, was I just wanting attention? Was I being prideful? Dear God, that wasn’t what I wanted!!! I just felt like I wanted to explode, I was so excited to encounter you this morning, I was so excited, you were there and I just wanted to show my JOY…I am so sorry I made it about me showing off, I don’t know how it happened…next Sunday I think I will just stay put.
You may be reading this and thinking I exaggerated for literary effect…I wish I could tell you that was the case…but this was my typical Sunday up until Jason Lee Jones Night of Worship. Some Sundays I would fight what I was hearing and some Sunday’s I would just crumble underneath it. Today, I feel free, I feel like I broke the alabaster jar and poured it out all over alter and I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back to dignified…I want to stay in this place. I choose to sing…if I offend, I apologize in advance now. If my display of emotion is too much for you to handle, I am so sorry, but I make a choice today and everyday to come to the alter…I will show the lover of my soul just how crazy about Him I am. I am going to share love back to my Father and I promise you, I am in my own little world during this time. Would you join me?
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Comment by Angie McKee on July 21, 2009 at 12:47pm -
Amber~ You are so precious and I hear God saying what a beautiful heart He has created in you. You are is prize and He loves showing you off. He has many of His children that you will bless!!! He is restoring and rebuilding all the gifts and talents within you, along with releasing some new ones. The blessings are being released, continue to praise and the flow will burst forth! I love that you had a breakthrough in worship, because in worship the praise is so heavy that the enemy flees! You destroy more in praise to our Father than any binding or casting prayer! Not to devalue binding and casting because each has it's place. Sister, I am blessed to have you in my life, I am blessed by your wisdom, testimony and encouragement ~ I love You!
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Comment by Amber & Ben Hodges on July 21, 2009 at 12:38pm -
That was really profound and incredible! I think we all have had the same type of attack, in some way shape and form and then next comes the decision to praise or buckle to the lies being fed to us. I have been battling a very similar attack in worship for about the past year maybe even two. Satan was constantly telling me during worship " that they all are judging your worship and are waiting for you to break and then they will know really how many devils you have and they have been waiting for them to manifest , everyone is going to mistake your worship , you know there watching and waiting." For a long while this battle went on and every time I would feel like I was breaking free of the lie I had begun to believe, I would only fall back harder. It was becoming so hard, my heart was to praise my Jesus in any way I felt like at the moment and I just couldn't break free, until last Friday at IHOP Jax. I went with the expectation that Jesus was going to set me free and nothing was getting in the way, no fear! The music started and this young man started to pray and Jesus walked in and moved all fear and doubt and I broke....free! It was awesome!
Angie, I am so glad for the pure honesty that comes out of you, it is going to sent so many people free, Jesus so uses it. So keep sharing and reminding the devil who's really in Charge!
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